Credits: istockphoto.com 2011. The start of a new decade, this year holds the opportunity to be a great year for all of us. And for those in the dating game, success is almost guaranteed if you know and use these 5 dating secrets to your advantage.
The idea for this article came to me on New Years Eve. My friends and I rang in the New Year at Vermillion (this restaurant serves a fusion of Indian and Latin American food, it's a great space with two large floors with the dance floor and dj upstairs). Afterwards we all went back to my friend’s apartment on the West side and ordered pizza (great breakfast food, ya think?). And what better game to play than … good old truth or dare (my favorite game of all time)!
One of our guy friends was asked “Out of the girls there tonight who would you ‘get’ with?” He answered, “There are too many options right now,” and proceeded to name all the single girls at the apartment. Whether he was being diplomatic or not is not the issue, his comment, “there are too many options,” was spot on and sparked a very important dating concept highlighted in John Gray’s book, Mars and Venus on a Date. If you ‘get’ this concept dating becomes a whole lot easier.
A man’s physical attraction heats up right away but a woman takes more time. In Chapter 10 of Gray’s book, Men are like blowtorches, Women are like ovens, he talks about how often a man will suddenly become physically attracted to a woman and then just as quickly lost interest. He is like a blowtorch that can heat up really fast and then turns off in an instant. Gray says this “Martian tendency” is easily misinterpreted because women are not like blowtorches. According to him, women are like ovens, they slowly heat up and slowly cool off.
A man’s ‘interest’ does not mean he wants to pursue a relationship. Gray says that a woman assumes that if a man is physically attracted to her he is also interested in a relationship with her. She confuses his attention, interest and attraction with affection or love. When this “love” is not lasting and he quickly loses interest, a woman can easily feel disappointed and unnecessarily begin to mistrust men, says Gray (that’s why Gray stresses that we must learn how men and women think and feel differently to find the right partner for us).
According to Gray, when a man is attentive to a woman, he could also be interested in having a relationship with her, but quite often he is not that discerning. To a certain extent, when he is enamored of a woman, he just likes what he sees and he wants to touch, Gray says. Then, according to Gray, he behaves in ways that most women mistakenly assume to be clear signs and signals that he is interested in having a relationship, when he is not.
A man is attracted by the physical, a woman is attracted by some aspect of who the man is. Gray says the more physically attractive a woman is to a man (remember everyone has different types), the less he needs to think or discern. He automatically behaves as if she is the most special woman in the world, and she believes it, Gray says. But according to Gray, he is just being in the moment and feeling his attraction and what she doesn’t know is that the next day he could be with someone else who turns him on and feel the exact same feelings of attraction. Gray says a woman must remember that physical chemistry is a good start but she is not that special yet, because there are a lot of women to whom a man can feel physically attracted to. Without this understanding women assume that men are either deceptive or superficial.
This is different for women, who are first attracted to some aspect of who a man is and not just his body or looks. A woman first feels interested in getting to know a man, then she feels affection and then she feels strong physical attraction and desire, Gray says. According to him, the more a woman feels mentally and emotionally attracted to a man, the more physical chemistry she will begin to feel. Since this her experience, she mistakenly assumes that when a man is physically attracted to her, he must be mentally and emotionally attracted as well.
Men and women choose their partners in the reverse way. Gray says a woman becomes more special to a man when he finds that not only is he physically attracted to her, but he also likes her. There are many women to whom he can be physically attracted, but only a smaller group with whom he can also be friends. A woman becomes even more special to him when he also finds that he is mentally attracted to who she is as a person. There are only a few women to whom he can feel all three levels of chemistry. She becomes still more special when he is able to see her as an imperfect person but also lovable.
A man becomes more special to a man in reverse manner. She is first mentally attracted to him. She looks at some aspect of who he is and what he is doing with his life and feels some chemistry, Gray says. This is the largest group of men from which she picks. Then she finds that some men are more special. She begins to feel emotional chemistry, attraction and likes him as a friend as well. While there may be many men with whom she feels mental chemistry, there are fewer men who cause her to feel emotional chemistry. At this point, Gray says she may discover that she also feels a physical attraction. It might happen slowly or very suddenly.
The little things a man does—like open the door, compliment her, ask her out, plan a date or even give her a goodnight kiss—all allow her to experience different levels of chemistry.
Gray says a man should not be discouraged if a woman is not immediately interested in a physical way. A man needs to remember a woman is like an oven that slowly warms up. If she just wants to be friends at first, it doesn’t mean that he does not stand a chance.
A man must maintain the role of pursuer and the woman must continue her role as pursued. Gray says we unknowingly sabotage the attraction in a relationship by switching roles. According to him, it is vital for the growth of romance and attraction that the man in a relationship maintain the role of pursuer, while the woman continues in the role of being pursued. Gray says when a man feels successful in pursuing her and a woman feels he could be the one for her, then their potential passion and attraction have a chance to build naturally.
The idea for this article came to me on New Years Eve. My friends and I rang in the New Year at Vermillion (this restaurant serves a fusion of Indian and Latin American food, it's a great space with two large floors with the dance floor and dj upstairs). Afterwards we all went back to my friend’s apartment on the West side and ordered pizza (great breakfast food, ya think?). And what better game to play than … good old truth or dare (my favorite game of all time)!
One of our guy friends was asked “Out of the girls there tonight who would you ‘get’ with?” He answered, “There are too many options right now,” and proceeded to name all the single girls at the apartment. Whether he was being diplomatic or not is not the issue, his comment, “there are too many options,” was spot on and sparked a very important dating concept highlighted in John Gray’s book, Mars and Venus on a Date. If you ‘get’ this concept dating becomes a whole lot easier.
A man’s physical attraction heats up right away but a woman takes more time. In Chapter 10 of Gray’s book, Men are like blowtorches, Women are like ovens, he talks about how often a man will suddenly become physically attracted to a woman and then just as quickly lost interest. He is like a blowtorch that can heat up really fast and then turns off in an instant. Gray says this “Martian tendency” is easily misinterpreted because women are not like blowtorches. According to him, women are like ovens, they slowly heat up and slowly cool off.
A man’s ‘interest’ does not mean he wants to pursue a relationship. Gray says that a woman assumes that if a man is physically attracted to her he is also interested in a relationship with her. She confuses his attention, interest and attraction with affection or love. When this “love” is not lasting and he quickly loses interest, a woman can easily feel disappointed and unnecessarily begin to mistrust men, says Gray (that’s why Gray stresses that we must learn how men and women think and feel differently to find the right partner for us).
According to Gray, when a man is attentive to a woman, he could also be interested in having a relationship with her, but quite often he is not that discerning. To a certain extent, when he is enamored of a woman, he just likes what he sees and he wants to touch, Gray says. Then, according to Gray, he behaves in ways that most women mistakenly assume to be clear signs and signals that he is interested in having a relationship, when he is not.
A man is attracted by the physical, a woman is attracted by some aspect of who the man is. Gray says the more physically attractive a woman is to a man (remember everyone has different types), the less he needs to think or discern. He automatically behaves as if she is the most special woman in the world, and she believes it, Gray says. But according to Gray, he is just being in the moment and feeling his attraction and what she doesn’t know is that the next day he could be with someone else who turns him on and feel the exact same feelings of attraction. Gray says a woman must remember that physical chemistry is a good start but she is not that special yet, because there are a lot of women to whom a man can feel physically attracted to. Without this understanding women assume that men are either deceptive or superficial.
This is different for women, who are first attracted to some aspect of who a man is and not just his body or looks. A woman first feels interested in getting to know a man, then she feels affection and then she feels strong physical attraction and desire, Gray says. According to him, the more a woman feels mentally and emotionally attracted to a man, the more physical chemistry she will begin to feel. Since this her experience, she mistakenly assumes that when a man is physically attracted to her, he must be mentally and emotionally attracted as well.
Men and women choose their partners in the reverse way. Gray says a woman becomes more special to a man when he finds that not only is he physically attracted to her, but he also likes her. There are many women to whom he can be physically attracted, but only a smaller group with whom he can also be friends. A woman becomes even more special to him when he also finds that he is mentally attracted to who she is as a person. There are only a few women to whom he can feel all three levels of chemistry. She becomes still more special when he is able to see her as an imperfect person but also lovable.
A man becomes more special to a man in reverse manner. She is first mentally attracted to him. She looks at some aspect of who he is and what he is doing with his life and feels some chemistry, Gray says. This is the largest group of men from which she picks. Then she finds that some men are more special. She begins to feel emotional chemistry, attraction and likes him as a friend as well. While there may be many men with whom she feels mental chemistry, there are fewer men who cause her to feel emotional chemistry. At this point, Gray says she may discover that she also feels a physical attraction. It might happen slowly or very suddenly.
The little things a man does—like open the door, compliment her, ask her out, plan a date or even give her a goodnight kiss—all allow her to experience different levels of chemistry.
Gray says a man should not be discouraged if a woman is not immediately interested in a physical way. A man needs to remember a woman is like an oven that slowly warms up. If she just wants to be friends at first, it doesn’t mean that he does not stand a chance.
A man must maintain the role of pursuer and the woman must continue her role as pursued. Gray says we unknowingly sabotage the attraction in a relationship by switching roles. According to him, it is vital for the growth of romance and attraction that the man in a relationship maintain the role of pursuer, while the woman continues in the role of being pursued. Gray says when a man feels successful in pursuing her and a woman feels he could be the one for her, then their potential passion and attraction have a chance to build naturally.
